3 Communication Tips for Healthy Relationships
Say what you need to say.
Language is the central mean by which humans communicate and is what makes us unique from all other life forms. We use language to express thoughts, feelings, emotions, and ideas to one another, and the words we choose make all the difference in understanding, connection, and conflict resolution in all of our relationships.
Much of modern culture has taught us to have a ‘me first’ mentality when it comes to conversation. This can create a lack of compassion for others, and an attachment to our own thoughts, wounds, and feelings. Taking the time to truly listen to one another is an essential first step toward healthy communication. This means allowing each person their own time to express without interruption; give them the space they need to be seen and heard.
Next, work on improving how you say what you say. For example, if someone has upset you through their behaviors or words, use language such as “When you said/did [blank], I felt [blank].” This allows you to own your own feelings instead of allowing your triggers to be projected onto others. Another important communication technique is to refrain from using absolutes, such as “you always” or “you never,” et cetera, simply because it couldn’t possibly be true that a person always or never does anything, with the exception of breathing. Instead, use more accurate terminology for time, such as “You often raise your voice at me when we argue, and I don’t feel respected or calm enough to resolve anything when you do.”
A final suggestion for healthy communication is creating space for response versus reaction. A response does not hold emotion or attachment to outcome, whereas a reaction is something that happens without mindful thought, completely attached to emotion. Communication is not a race to see who can speak first; take time to think through what they said, where it came from within their own pain body, and detach from taking it personally. Then, practice responding from a place of mindfulness, without anger or criticism.
These practices are simple, but difficult to enact when culture, trauma, and old habits have created unhealthy patterns of communication and behavior as examples for us to learn from. There is always room for improvement and evolution. We all deserve to be seen, heard, and have our needs met through relationship, which begins with communication. Let’s work to build each other up, and avoid tearing each other down with our words.